Video Blog 1️⃣

🦋 Small daily improvements are the key to staggering long term results 🦋

January 2016-GCR Repty-Rehabilitation Centre 🇵🇱
Right (weaker) arm movements – first active excercises
Left (stronger) arm movements – first active excercises
Sitting in a chair for an hour most days, to increase sitting tolerance. I was counting down the minutes 👀🤦🏻‍♀️ it was so uncomfortable 😣. We found this piece of wooden board to put on the wheelchair so I could rest the arms and keep the fingers straightened 👐🏼
Leg exercising lying in bed 🛌 first time moving legs actively out to the sides and back in. Our makeshift arrangement to rest legs and make this type of exercise possible. Very weakened leg muscles, as visible in the photo from being bed bound and doing only passive exercises for the past 3 months (October until December 2015).
Actively bending my left (stronger) leg. They had me on anti-spasticity and relaxant drugs, so my muscle tone was much lower, not stopping the leg from bending up. It was always easier to straighten my legs than bring them up…nature of this kind of injury.
And the best “little” improvement that took place there, apart from getting my voice back was this 👇
One day I was on my own in the room for awhile and this happened! 😱🙉🤗 I lifted my left arm! Just for a second, but it was a start of becoming unlocked 🔐🔓💪. First time I was able to do it, caught on video. Still null by mouth 😶 4 months since my brain stem stroke.

🦋 Let the improvement of yourself make you so busy that you have no time to criticise others…🦋

Nighttime visitor 😱😂

December 2015-March 2016 🇵🇱 GCR Repty

Every time we think or talk about this now, we laugh so hard 😂🙉, especially when my dad does all the impressions. I’m going to try to paint a picture, so you can understand the situation better 👇

When I was a patient of GCR Repty Rehabilitation Centre 🇵🇱 from December 2015 until March 2016, I had my own private room, as mentioned before. There was a little side extension to the main ward that had a bathroom, a room for two patients and my (only) Private room all separated with walls and there was also a small corridor leading to all these rooms. My room was very small, square shaped. As you entered there was a window in front, my bed to the right, a table and chair to the left. That’s all really..just a small wardrobe in front of my bed with a TV just above it. And of course that stupid tv meter machine hanging on the wall 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄, but I never had to worry about this again 😂💥🧨💣🔪🤫🤫🤫 (Why? If you haven’t read my previous posts it’s explained in the one called “Christmas in hospital”).

Every night, before falling asleep my dad would reposition me onto my right side, so I was facing the room and the door. He would always leave them half open, so I could see the main corridor. He would turn the lights off, as he was leaving, because I always slept with lights off (couldn’t otherwise 🤷🏻‍♀️). Just a quick reminder that I was still locked in 🔒😶, so when I needed help (usually to be repositioned) I would wait with my eyes wide opened 👀 👂🏼and listen out for any sound of a nurse walking down the main corridor. The main corridor was separated by that little side room corridor, and the main ward corridor had dimmed light, so I was able to see everything. I remember always looking multiple times which nurse was on the night shift, passing by my room, before I made that sound to alert her 🚨. I wanted to make sure it was the nice nurse, because there was one nurse specifically that I didn’t want near me after what happened one night🙈🙄.

🦋 Tough times don’t last, but tough people do… 🦋

One night I was “calling” for help, I still couldn’t talk or press the call bell👀🤦🏻‍♀️. I was in pain, so needed to be repositioned and also needed help to have my legs straightened . She came in pissed off 😠, because I obviously woke her (from her lovely sleep during her night shift🙄). But anyway, she comes in, switches on the light and shouts at me “what?!”, I look down at my legs, and because my legs had so much tone and spasticity , they needed a specific method to get straightened plus time. She gave it a second trying and then asked me in a very angry tone: “do you not want to straighten them?!”-and then pressed hard on my knees forcing them to straighten😖. Switched off the light and left…the next morning I couldn’t help it but cried my eyes out to my dad😢😭 and spelled what has happened via the letter board. Only when I calmed down I was able to blink my eyes with control, because I sobbed with despair like never before. I’m sure she didn’t think I would communicate this to him the next day, never mind writing about it years later on my blog…🤷🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️ Anyway we reported her and she came and apologised to me. From this day on she was always extremely nice to me🙄. Today I’m sending her 💕, I forgive, but I never forget…

Anyway back to my night time visitor, because that’s a funny story. I’ve drifted off, but at least I’ll end positively again, and give you a laugh. 😜😂 Ready?!

So for the 3-4 months that I was a patient there, nearly every night without a fail I was visited 🙉. I remember opening my eyes 👀 and there would be this old guy, sitting on the chair in my room 🙉🤣😅👨‍🦳. Funny when I look back now, but I was quite freaked out back then. Imagine a young girl laying in bed, unable to talk, unable to press a bell, and I obviously didn’t want to make any sound 👀👀👀🤫. He would just sit there for a very short period of time and leave. What was happening, was that he was actually my neighbour, a patient in that double room beside mine, separated by only a wall. When he was going to the toilet, on the way back he would always get lost and entered my room instead of his. He must have been confused, because sitting on that chair every time he looked as if he was thinking: “why is there someone in my bed?!” 🤔😅😂 I’m pretty sure he had some kind of memory problems. Well he was definitely in his 70s or 80s, like most patients there. I think I was probably the youngest there. I remember there was just one guy a little older than me in the same ward. There was a few more younger patients, but in a different (spinal injury) ward.

🦋 A meaningful life is not being rich, popular, being highly educated, or being perfect. It’s about being real, being humble, being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. 🦋


🦋 Once you choose HOPE, anything is possible…🦋

May 2020 🇮🇪

Wow🤩 this is my 21st post 🙉🙈 it went so fast! 🚗💨💨💨

For the past few days I was constantly watching videos about what is going on in the world etc, which actually got me thinking a lot🤯. I cannot help the fact that I’m hungry for knowledge 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄. I decided to take a break from the heavy stuff, and any traumatic memories from the journey I’m writing about on my blog, so in this postI’ll be writing ✍️ about HOPE. At the end of the day you have to take care of yourself first🧘🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️, and I need some positive energy instead of hearing about all the evil things happening around us. So back to 🍀HOPE🍀☺️. This 4-letter word is the essence of what keeps me going every day…I have faith and I have hope on my journey to recovery. Hope is very important, because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear any hardship(s) today…

Let’s face it! We are all on a journey, through which we experience some bad days. They’re just a part of this beautiful life on Earth. Life itself is the BIGGEST journey. If we wouldn’t have a bad day, how could we distinguish the good from the bad? How could you appreciate the good? You have to experience sadness to know the happiness, right? 🤗 Here I’m going to share a quote I look back on a lot, whenever I need picking up…👇

🦋 It’s all a matter of perception. The only thing worse than a bad day is no day at all. Life is fully as bad as you think it is, so never think life is bad. There are bad times, but that’s okay, just look for the love in it, don’t burn the day away. 🦋

HOPE plays a huge part in my life, but most of all it’s one of the biggest companions on my journey to recovery. I’m trying to always see some positives in everything, but of course I have days where I’m feeling low. That’s just a natural feeling that we all feel sometimes. It’s really okay not to be okay! However, that’s exactly when having HOPE picks me up, keeping me mentally healthy. I have doubtful, negative thoughts sometimes, but I never let them get to me. I always start thinking…one day I WILL be independent again, I WILL walk again, I WILL work again, I WILL have my own family and so on… Those thoughts and feeling hopeful keep me going. I couldn’t keep fighting without it! What would be the point? I don’t have a crystal ball 🔮 to predict my future or answer my questions, so I just keep going and hoping. It’s amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday… Always remember that you have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life 👊💪, and BE PATIENT, give time some time 🕰…

🦋 He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything ~Thomas Carlyle 🦋

The same approach goes for the situation we’re in now, lockdown 🔒 caused by this “pandemic”. I’m writing pandemic in inverted commas, because in my opinion it has been SO blown out of proportion 🙄, but I’m not going into this subject (if you’re interested you can listen for yourself using some independent media). I also have hope here🤗. People say things like: “oh the world will never be the same after this coronavirus”, but why not? We can rebuild it, no? Nothing is impossible, right? You can call me naive, stupid, whatever you like, but I believe everything will be okay. There’s so many people finally speaking out-professionals, world experts, and people are really waking up. Only ❤️LOVE❤️ & 🍀HOPE🍀 are stronger than FEAR-the leading emotion in most. I choose the first two every time 🤗, how about you?!

*evil-by evil I mean what we’re not aware is happening in the world. Watch the documentary “Fall of the Cabal” to really start finding out for yourself, and also to understand what I mean by “evil”.

I came across this saying recently, that the good thing about people is that most people are inherently good. Most people want to live a simple life, want to cause no trouble and wish to do no harm. The problem with most people being inherently good is that their goodness often blinds and prevents them from seeing how truly wicked evil can be… And here I also believe (hope) that the good always wins over evil* 😇👊💪 #WeAreTheLight

Take good care of yourself, especially your mental health ☺️🧘🏻‍♀️🧘🏻‍♂️. Have Hope and Faith. Believe and Love. You are magnificent! You are enough! You are perfect! (just the way you are) ❤️🦋 full stop.

Christmas in hospital 🏥

December 2015-GCR Repty 🇵🇱

It can really be the most wonderful…I mean difficult time of the year. Knowing that it was Christmas, made everything twice as sad😔😢. My worst Christmas yet, by far! Spent in a hospital bed… but on a brighter side I wasn’t alone. My dad and Mr P were already there, and my mum flew from Ireland. It was us four, trying to make it as good as we possibly could. We got the permission to use the main kitchen, asking for it constantly and several times, so we could cook a Christmas meal 🔑 🙄. We had the traditional beetroot soup with dumplings and the fried carp of course 🥟🐟😋. The fact I could actually eat and had loved ones around made it feel a little bit “normal”, even though it really was the toughest time for that kind of celebration. I have to admit that I always loved Christmas 🎄 it was that special time that I enjoyed for the first 23 years of my life. In 2015 that changed, but I hope not forever…🤞

The funny story I mentioned in my previous post was how I got the free TV😂 one of my favourite memories. I remember you had to put in coins to the machine to get TV hours. It was ridiculous, not only because I was a patient and it was quite expensive, but the hours would just keep running out without you having the TV even on🙄. Yeah that’s right…if you wanted to watch a programme in the morning and put money into the machine , and there was a programme you wanted to see that evening, most likely your TV hours would be gone by then 🙄. Marcin, I really hope you’ll get to read this… if you’re I’m dedicating this post to you 💁🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️. One afternoon before leaving for his Christmas break, Marcin, my favourite carer in that place, a very positive guy (who actually didn’t know me very well, yet always believed in me) came into my room. He’d do that very often, just to make me smile, usually saying something funny, always telling me that I’ll walk again and achieve great things in life…well I’m here💁🏻‍♀️, starting with my own blog 👊💪✍️. I still couldn’t talk at the time, but my dad would always have conversations with him. That day he comes in and asks: “are you staying here for Christmas?”, I nod for YES. He takes out a lighter and something made from metal, I’m pretty sure it was a knife or a screwdriver 🙉🙈 few seconds and BOOM! 💣🤩 Over 200 hours on the TV meter 😂 “Merry Christmas” he says, I’m over the moon 🤗 he made my day! Merry Christmas to me indeed 🎅☺️!

🦋 Being a FAMILY means you’re a part of something wonderful. It means you’ll LOVE and be loved for the rest of your life. When we have each other, we have EVERYTHING…🦋

On the 24th, in the evening we had a Christmas Eve supper in my room, that my dad had cooked for us in the rehabilitation centre’s main kitchen. I was thankful to be able to eat by then, without having to have to use the PEG feed in my stomach, and happy to have my loved ones there. FAMILY & LOVE are the two most important things, and HEALTH of course, but I was then fighting for that and I continue to fight today 👊👣 physical health, because otherwise I’m good 🧘🏻‍♀️🤗. It was my first ever Christmas spent in a hospital bed, and I hope it was the last spent in this way 🤞. Anyway on a brighter side I felt loved 🥰, as we welcomed the New Year together 🥳🥂, watching the New Year’s concert on TV, not a care in the world about that TV meter😂. We were sorted for my entire stay there 📺 🙃🙌. We had those magical hands 🤲 that could just create some type of electric shock to the machine 💥😂 absolutely brilliant…I’ll never forget that.

We entered 2016 full of positivity and hope, as we do every year. I haven’t given up back then, and I’m still not giving up today-4 years later 👊💪!

🦋 Success in life comes when you simply refuse to give up, with goals so strong that obstacles, failure, and loss only act as motivation. Never give up, because great things take time! 🦋

Rehabilitation Centre-GCR Repty 🏥

December 2015

The whole time I was a patient of the Neurology ward I kept thinking about getting transferred to the rehabilitation centre. It took much longer than expected, but finally on the 7th of December 2015 I was being transferred. The only bad news was that they wouldn’t accept me without trachea 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️, so my plans about getting it removed before leaving for rehab were shattered. I thought it’s okay, I’ll get it done there…well that’s what I thought😩 turned out to be a fight that I’ve never expected 👊 you’ll hear all about it…

The day has come and I was being transferred in a laying down position in an ambulance 🚑. The rehabilitation centre was about an hour and a half drive from my hometown in Poland. Upon my arrival I was placed in their only private side room. It was small, but at least I had the privacy 🤗🙌. There was a bed, table, chair, small wardrobe and a TV. What’s really shocking is that there was a little box hanging on the wall, where you had to put in money to get the television working 📺. That’s right, you had to pay in order to watch it 🙄 and it was very expensive😠! But I was lucky enough to meet someone who sorted this problem right out for me (a carer). It’s a very funny story, but I’ll tell you all about it in my later posts… all I’m going to say now is FREE TV hours 😜🤭🤫🙌…

When I settled in, I met all the nurses, carers, my main doctor and my physiotherapist (Jacek). The nurse in charge brought us this wheelchair, that some rich, German patient donated to the centre on his departure. Quickly my dad and Mr P came up with an idea to take me for a spin in it. I wasn’t very enthusiastic, as you can see yourself 👇

They transferred me using a full body hoist (that’s how I was being transferred at the time 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️). It was the first time I was sitting in a wheelchair, in fact the very first time I was in a sitting position and out of bed in nearly 2,5 months👀. I’ll never forget the older women staring 👀 as they wheeled me through the corridors. When we came back to the room, the nurse in charge ran after us in a panic, saying we’re not allowed to do anything like that, making any decisions of our own without doctors permission 👩‍⚕️ . Here we go, I thought 🤦🏻‍♀️ prison…

At least I was already here, starting rehabilitation. I had my dad and Mr P with me every day ☺️ from early morning, until falling asleep. The centre had apartments for family members upstairs, so I had them both there and felt safe☺️😇. The first night before falling asleep I was thinking about having physiotherapy the next day. I was very concerned, because I was told I would be put on a tilt table, to get my body used to being in a vertical position and getting the blood to flow. I was also very nervous about calling for help😰. Still I couldn’t press a call bell, so I was just using that special sound I mentioned before in my post titled “HELP”…😟🤷🏻‍♀️ it sounded something like this 👇👀 I tried my best to recreate it 🙉🙈😂👇

🦋 BE STRONG, because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever…🦋

The day the doctor stated I was psychologically unstable…🙄

November 2015-Neurology 🇵🇱

When I was a patient in Neurology ward, I couldn’t wait to be admitted and transferred to the Upper Silesian Rehabilitation Centre (GCR Repty 🇵🇱). Again it was an unknown, a change I was looking forward to, especially that everyone around me was telling me only great things about it. “They’ll transform you”, “I’ve heard amazing things about the place”, “They will make you walk” and so on… In my head this was the place where great things in my journey to recovery would happen, thinking I would probably walk out of there myself, on my own two feet👣.

Before leaving ICU, the nurses advised my dad and Mr P to learn doing the basics of care around me, like suctioning etc. They knew well what was coming 🤦🏻‍♀️. As Neurology patient I wouldn’t receive the care I was getting until now-patient centred, getting everything you asked for nearly immediately. Neurology ward was nothing like ICU, I guess because of the severity of condition(s) you’re in as an intensive care patient 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway we were quickly very thankful for that advice, because when my dad asked the nurse in Neurology to suction me, not only did we wait forever, but when she did it she inserted the tube so deep I felt it for next few days…😵

When performing suctioning, the tube is inserted into the trachea, or just a little below it (in the windpipe). Obviously that nurse had no idea, because she forced the tube deep into my windpipe…🙄I could feel it as low as my stomach🤦🏻‍♀️🥴. Since then we’ve never asked anyone for help, my dad and Mr P just did that for me themselves. Even getting the whole equipment installed beside my bed was a huge struggle…the nurses couldn’t find anything in their ward, and had no idea about tracheas-it’s a whole different story, but it was a nightmare 😣😫. To my dad asking “do you know how to take care of a patient with trachea?” the reply was: “No, we never seen a patient with one”…I know! How ridiculous does that sound? 😠 No comment.

Suctioning trachea

One afternoon I started struggling to breathe. I knew my trachea needed to be taken out and cleaned, as it was done every few days in ICU. It would get clogged up with mucus, etc. not a pleasant thingh to explain, so I won’t go into more detail. I communicated via letter board (still🙄🤦🏻‍♀️) with my dad. Straight away he understood and went to look for help, first with nurses. We couldn’t believe when they told us there’s nothing they can do because the tracheotomy was carried out in Intensive Care, so only ICU staff can touch it. Never mind the fact that they wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway…🙄 ICU nurse was called so 📞 , we waited and waited…it was getting harder and harder to breathe 😓. Hours passed by, my dad was getting very annoyed, me very frustrated. He kept telling the Neurology staff what was going on, we were helpless as well as very concerned. Finally (after dad’s several requests) the main doctor on the night shift (that’s right it was evening time and I struggled since late afternoon 😱) approached me (he asked to be alone with me) 👨🏻‍⚕️. Not before raising his voice at us saying “Always on my shift, your daughter has some kind of problem”-funny because A. It was the first major thing I needed help with and B. I’ve never seen him before 🤷🏻‍♀️🤔He seemed annoyed that my dad was constantly calling, trying to get the problem sorted. Anyway this man was very unpleasant, I won’t tell you what I thought back then, and still think of him today. He was the type that you just looked at him and you could tell he wasn’t a very nice person…🙄🤷🏻‍♀️ I could just nod my head for YES and move it from side to side for NO to answer him. He was with me for only about 5-10 mins… and the diagnosis? “Your daughter is psychologically unstable. There’s absolutely nothing wrong, she’s just making things up to get attention “… what a ********🤬 psychologically unstable? 😒 Making things up? 🙄 Looking for attenteion? 😲🤦🏻‍♀️ I couldn’t believe it! Just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse… I swear I wouldn’t believe if someone was telling me this story, but I actually experienced it myself…

In the late evening an ICU nurse came up, took my trachea out and cleaned it. Of course it was nearly completely blocked…”no wonder you found it hard to breathe, I’m sorry you had to wait so long. We were really busy and they haven’t mentioned it was an emergency on the phone”…Of course they haven’t, because why would they? 😡 From their judgement I was just this young, crazy, drama queen🤨👸🏻. That evening she gave my dad a master class on maintaining a clean, working trachea, also leaving us some essential equipment and guidelines for use ☺️😇. When she inserted it back, I took a huge breath and it felt like such a relief ☺️ I thought now, I won’t ever have to deal with that doctor again 🙏 that was the best news of that day!

Latest interview with David Icke 👇 Remember he’s being banned from every social media platform! (Where’s our freedom of speech right?) Only available via independent media (not owned and controlled by the cult🙄). As the interviewer is saying, give it just 15 minutes and decide for yourself if you want to continue listening. I’m just doing what my heart tells me, by sharing ❤️🦋👇

HELP! 🆘😶😥

November 2015 🇵🇱

I woke up during the night with a terrible pain in my arm. I think it just involuntarily moved, while I was sleeping and got stuck in a very painful position. Every night before leaving my dad would position me in a somehow comfortable position (well as comfortable as I could get, because “comfort” is definitely not the appropriate word for describing where I was 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙄). He would usually put me on my side, placing and moving all my limbs for me, since I couldn’t move anything…The pain was so strong that it woke me, but I couldn’t lift myself to look 😨, couldn’t call for help 😶, couldn’t move my hand to get relief. My neighbour (new one-Bogusia) was fast asleep in a bed just 2 metres away. We were separated by a curtain, but since we enjoyed each other’s company, we never really pulled it across. The main door was closed and there was no one around. I open my eyes 👀, feeling this excruciating pain 😖, I try to move, but nothing is happening..absolutely nothing.

I look up to see where this call bell is. My dad mounted this device (he made himself from scratch👨🏻‍🔧)above my head, consisting of a plastic bottle and some adhesive tape 🙉🙈😂. I have to say my dad always has amazing ideas of how to make something from nothing..he’s a very talented handyman 🥰👫💑. I really regret not having a photo of how it looked, because you would get a right laugh out of seeing it. Unfortunately it didn’t function (not because it wasn’t made well, but because my head/neck strength wasn’t enough to push the call button with my forehead), but the idea was great 👍. Since I could only lift my head and move it sideways, he used this monitor that was attached to my bed, above my head. He used a bottle for an extension so it could reach me and then taped the call bell around it. When he positioned me for sleep, he would pull it, so it was right above my forehead, the call button facing me. If I had to call for help, I would just lift my head, pushing the call button with my forehead…well it worked a few times when we trialed it, but it was moving meaning that any slight movement in any direction would restrict me from being able to press it 🤷🏻‍♀️ on top of that it was so stiff 🙄, even people with functional fingers and thumb would find it really hard to press it. Definitely something that needs to be changed 😠, only making life harder for patients…

Anyway that night it also failed me. I tried multiple times to lift my head to press my call bell for help, but my forehead banging off it has moved it until I wasn’t even reaching it anymore 🙄. Now there was NO WAY I was getting help 🤦🏻‍♀️. I was praying to myself that a nurse would come into the room 🙏 and I waited and waited..still in huge pain! At that moment I started thinking what can I do to alert my neighbour? 🤔 this was my only way out. She would wake and call for someone 🚨!

I could only use my tongue and teeth to make some kind of noise 👅🦷👀, hoping I would wake her up. Think Klaudia! Think! You have to be creative, and I can tell you one thing, when you’re in pain or need help the brain works surprisingly fast 🧠🙉😂. I started by grinding my teeth, but that wasn’t loud enough 🤷🏻‍♀️, so I started hitting my tongue against the palate of my mouth. It wasn’t a very loud sound, but done continuously could be heard 🙉🙈. After only few minutes I hear “Klaudia is that you? Are you okay?”, as Bogusia approaches me in the dark room 😶👀, “I’ll call the bell, to get someone for you”…I’m thinking Oh My God! It worked! as I see a nurse entering the room.

Later, when Bogusia was telling the story to my family, she said that initially when she heard that “special sound” I was making, just before opening her eyes she thought it was just a leaky tap in our bathroom 😂🙈🙉. The most important thing is that I managed to wake her up and get the help I needed. Well, that was very creative! Well done to me 👏💁🏻‍♀️! I guess that creativity in a tough situation is something I have in common with my dad…😂

🦋Creativity is Intelligence having fun~Albert Enstein 🦋

🦋 Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it…🦋

The day I was told I’ll probably never speak again…😶😧

When I had the trachea in, I always thought that was the only reason I couldn’t talk (the air escaping). Again my lack of knowledge worked to my advantage…I was oblivious🤷🏻‍♀️. I allowed myself to use the images above, of some stroke survivors I know. This campaign #StillMe is very close to my heart. All of us up there 👆 went through the unfortunate locked-in syndrome 🔒😶, caused by brain stem stroke. This campaign proves that although locked-in victims are locked inside their bodies they’re STILL themselves, the exact same person, just unable to communicate. It also shows how locked-in syndrome can be overcome. I’ll say this again, I know some very successful stroke survivors who cannot communicate, but despite that they live to their best ability, some writing books, blogs etc., through the amazing eye-gaze technology 👀. I used the images of the two women, Clodagh Dunlop and Kate Allatt, because they represent the percentage of stroke survivors who broke out of locked-in syndrome, despite the diar prognosis. I know them personally and I feed myself with these kind of successful recovery stories. They both wrote amazing books on their journey-I really recommend them. I’ve started with a blog, but perhaps a book is the next step? 🤓✍️📖…never thought I had that in me🤷🏻‍♀️, but hey I have some great material for a book. So watch this space 🙉🙈🤗…

My mum always loved writing, and also had great talent for it! Something I acquired-I can conclude one thing for sure-I’m definitely not adopted, now that I think about it 🙈🙉😂😅 I have too many similarities with both of my parents 👨‍👩‍👧. She always said she’ll write a book someday 📖✍️, so perhaps we both will? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Healthy competition? Mum are you in? 🙋🏻‍♀️👭🤗 #challenge

November 2015-Neurology Ward 🇵🇱

When I was a patient in Neurology, I started seeing a Speech and Language Therapist (SLT). I was seeing her pretty much every day to do some exercises. Well, I still had the trachea in, so there was no voice, I was just mimicking her mouth movements🙄. Different letters like A,U and O. To be honest, she was talking, mostly about herself, so it wasn’t much of a therapy. Well not for me anyway, maybe for her…she needed someone to listen-perhaps she needed a psychologist? This one day (that I’ll probably never forget), she came in the morning for a session and I don’t really remember why we were on the subject of removing my trachea some day. I was convinced that once it got removed and the wound healed, speaking again was just a matter of time (that that’s my lack of knowledge about locked-in syndrome, yet again!), but at that time it was definitely better for me not knowing…at least I wasn’t worrying about it…well until that day anyway👀😶🙄…”Klaudia, you have to be prepared that when they remove your trachea, you won’t be able to talk…in fact you’ll probably never speak again” 👀👀👀 What? I was so shocked to hear that 😱 that I didn’t even shed a single tear. Millions of thoughts just flashed in front of my eyes. Only when she left the room I started sobbing 😭 like a baby. I was alone. Remember, I was this vulnerable 23 year old, without any knowledge on the subject, so I relied on professionals, and believed everything they said a 100%. When my dad and Mr P entered the room that afternoon, they found me in tears, with a red face and a huge headache from crying 😢😔🤕. They quickly grabbed the letter board, eager to find out why I was in this state. SHE-TOLD-ME-I’LL-NEVER-BE-ABLE-TO-SPEAK-AGAIN, I spelled via blinking my eyes-crying even more, thinking I’ll always communicate in this way… My dad and Mr P just rolled their eyes, so angry 😤🙄😡! “Do you remember that doctor in ICU saying you’ll never be able to breathe on your own, without the help of a respirator?!” … they were right! My rocks at the time! I still couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I cried and was upset all day, but at least I had their support and belief! That was crucial…

Yet again my hopefulness was shattered by an individual…leaving me with nothing but negativity…

What’s the moral of the story?

  1. Never let anyone tell you what you’re capable of doing, or more importantly what you’re not capable of doing.
  2. Always follow your dream(s), keep going and never give up!
  3. Always choose positivity, and block out any negativity coming your way. Even if you can feel any negative energy, just walk away if you can’t block it out.
  4. There’s more but I’m sure you can figure it out 😉 don’t want to be boring…

Always believe and keep the hopes up, like that guy in the image above 👆. I WILL get that job, I WILL walk again, I WILL succeed…whatever it is you want to achieve. I know, spoke to, read about so many survivors breaking out of locked-in syndrome, including myself, so it’s possible! Many of them use their voice to help others on their journey to recovery and also to create awareness. Becoming a motivational speaker?! Why not?! I’m already taking tiny steps towards it… I got my voice back for a reason, I must make a good use of it…💁🏻‍♀️🦋

P.S. Right after the incident, my mum was on the phone to me (from Ireland) also telling me not to believe what I heard! In fact for the next few months she would always repeat it to me, either on the phone or anytime she visited me in Poland. We always laugh about it nowadays…”I always knew you’ll be talking again”. Not being able to talk? Me? Really? If you know me, you know that I’m a talker! I rarely shut up actually 😂🙈🙉🤭, so as my mum said it was just impossible for me to stay locked-in! 🤷🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️🤗 Nothing is impossible, but that one thing was 😉🔐🔓.

🦋 Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It’s the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston Churchill 🦋

April 2020 🇮🇪-Let’s WAKE UP and STOP them 👇

I just watched the video (Thrive-attached below) this weekend and it’s so interesting. I really recommend it to everyone! Also please SHARE! If you’re interested in finding out how this world actually works you need to watch! I already knew bits, but I’ve learnt so much and it really makes sense! This “pandemic” is just another step…Bare in mind this video was made almost a decade ago😱, it was all happening back then and it’s continuing to happen today…Please just use your own brain and don’t listen to te-LIE-vision. The interview with the intelligent David Icke (link attached below) is only available via independent media, because he keeps getting censored, his talks removed from social media platforms. The interview is long, but so worth watching. I was shocked because he has been saying this for decades, writing books etc. Just like in the movie thrive (filmed almost a decade ago) he was a guest speaker there too, and he knew it back then… #FakeNews #brainwashing #WeAreInThisTogether


🦋 Your brain works just like a computer. So make sure you’re the only one programming it…🦋

Neurology ward-continued

November 2015 🇵🇱
My breakfast, lunch and dinner 😶😩🤦🏻‍♀️

The good news (mentioned in my previous post) I got that day was that there was a semi-private room available next door, and I was being moved 🙌. My physiotherapist, that worked mainly in the Neurology ward, but was coming to see me while in ICU brought us the good news. To be honest my dad would be asking her to help and move me every time he would see her. She worked there for years and agreed that Neurology ICU definitely wasn’t a place for me, so she was doing everything to get me out of there as quickly as possible …her name was also Ewa (like that favourite nurse of mine in ICU, must be a popular Polish name 🙉🇵🇱).

It was a side room with a space for two beds. I chose the space further in, beside the windows. At the beginning it was just me there, I think for one night before I got some company. The next day I was joined by (Krysia), she was this lovely woman who was suffering from bone marrow cancer, that spread around her body. She was constantly in pain and was on morphine to manage, but the good news is she’s now doing fine. We’ve made good friends with her! 👭

My typical day in Neurology ward wasn’t really much different to being an ICU patient. My breakfast, lunch and dinner consisted of Nutricia-this liquid fed to me through my PEG tube (in my stomach). I’m not sure if there was different flavours 🤷🏻‍♀️ not that this would matter 🤦🏻‍♀️. As long as it was filling my stomach, so I didn’t feel hungry that’s all that mattered. One evening a nurse came in (she would usually come at the same time every evening) to get my PEG feed started 🔛…dinner time! 🙄 After about an hour I could feel my stomach rumbling 🤔 and also some wetness on the sheet underneath me. I quickly got my dad to get the letter board to let him know 👀. When he uncovered the top sheet, he found me laying in a pool of lovely, thick liquid…😅🙄 The nurse obviously didn’t attach the tubes properly, so instead of being pumped into my stomach it was pumped onto my bed. No wonder I felt hungry 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄. Later we just laughed at it! Like at some other incidents, for example the first morning in that room before I had any visitors, I would be half sitting on the bed, alone, listening to my radio 📻☺️, “enjoying” my “lovely” liquid breakfast and I suddenly sneezed 🤧, the contraction in my core muscles brought me a little bit forward and to the side…so now I was leaning sideways without any ability to get myself fixed 🙉🙈😂🙄 There was no one in the room 😩, I couldn’t press the call bell (wasn’t moving anything yet, except my head a little), couldn’t call for help 😶 (still locked in🔒), so I just waited! Imagine that in your head…me leaning sideways looking like a complete moron-sounds funny I know, not being able to do anything-not so funny anymore! 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. Anyway I was rescued after awhile 😂 by a nurse who came into the room to check on me-Thank God 🙏.

Every morning I had physiotherapy with Ewa, the same as in ICU. Afterwards she would always call one of her physiotherapy students (who were there on a placement) to massage and just entertain me. She had three lovely girls (Edyta, Ania and Beata)-Yeah I know, I have a great memory! 💁🏻‍♀️ sometimes my dad laughs that perhaps it’s even better than before the stroke 🤪🤷🏻‍♀️? Edyta was the girl that would work with me most often 🤲. She would massage all of my limbs, one by one, while we “talked”. I was null by mouth, as you already know, but somehow we always managed to have a conversation. I would just blink my eyes once for YES and twice for NO. Anyway she understood me, most times. The three girls were all around my age, so we would have similar conversational interests 😂-BOYS haha! 🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyway the girls felt very comfortable opening up to me. I always wondered about that, because people would always find it easy to talk to me, open up and seek advice. Perhaps I could make a good psychologist? Even better back then, because all I could do was LISTEN 👂🏾…

🦋 The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. So LISTEN. People start to heal the moment they feel heard…🦋

In the afternoon my dad and Mr P would arrive to spend the day with me 🤗, always bearing gifts 💝 like a soup🍵, homemade with love by my grandmother 👵. Yummy 😋🤤

April 2020 🇮🇪

So it was my Birthday on Monday (28💁🏻‍♀️) 🎂🥳🥂! To be honest I don’t like my birthday since the injury, I’m never looking forward to it like I always used to. My birthday just reminds me that yet ANOTHER year has passed by, and I’m still not where I would like to be 😩🤦🏻‍♀️. I never thought that this journey would last so long! There’s a long list of things I wish I was doing on a day like this, and many things I would want to be different and of course thinking about those makes me feel upset 😞 but quickly I try to replace and change my thoughts. Instead of thinking about what WAS, I just try to focus on the positives…I am healthier than ever, the irony🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️! Except the obvious physical barriers that we all know of! ♿️ I won’t use the word “disability”, because I hate it! Despite the fact I cannot really celebrate how I usually would 💃 (well to be completely honest this year wouldn’t be any different even if I was walking, because of this quarantine, so I’m not losing out-here’s sometimes positive 🤷🏻‍♀️😂😜) I am thinking that I’m surrounded by the people I love most, and I could spend this day with them 🎂w🥂! I received so many messages, gifts, flowers, donations to my birthday fundraiser for Acquired Brain Injury (ABI) Ireland, that I feel so loved ☺️🥰! I’m able to talk, I was able to celebrate with a drink, I was remembered and so much more…like one of my best friends said in her wishes to me “our party life was temporarily placed on hold, but the best is yet to come”. I agree and believe that best is yet to come… ❤️🦋 I think that LOVE is the most important thing in life and most people are richer than they think, because they are surrounded by love. I have to admit I’m very rich, rich with love😌🥰🤗…

🦋 There are people so poor that the only thing they have is money…🦋

Quarantine extended…🙉😂🙈

☠️A man in a black bag☠️

Yes! You can guess what I’ve seen next…I opened my eyes 👀 to see two men in black suits, wearing white shirts and white gloves. It was very quiet and peaceful. They entered the side room that I was in and disappeared behind my neighbour’s curtain. In the next 5-10minutes I see them again, but this time carrying a black zipped up sack. One of them holding each end. At that time I realised that guy beside me died during the night and they carried his lifeless body in that bag 😱. I’ve never experienced anything like this before… I couldn’t stop thinking of him taking his last breath probably while I was still sleeping? How long was his body laying there? Was he aware? In any pain? 🤯

I couldn’t help but feel upset and shocked at the same time. I don’t know why I felt sad, I didn’t know him and never even seen him. Perhaps it was the people close to him, that I’ve seen by his bedside the other evening? I felt sorry for their loss and having to have to see their loved one in that state😔…maybe he had children? 😔 Now I know that it was just his body carried out by these men that morning, he was in a much better place, not suffering anymore 😇. His soul was now free and content, his body was just like a wrapping around a present (just a metaphor). The outside was being taken to be buried, while the inside stayed alive forever-I believe! 🤷🏻‍♀️😇 Anyway, May he Rest In Peace…

🦋Don’t lose HOPE. When the sun goes down, the stars come out…🦋

To end on a positive note, the day ended with good news for me 🤗. I’ll continue in my next post, so stay tuned in ❤️🦋.

🦋 The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live… It’s not about the length of life, but the depth of life…🦋

🦋 FEAR does not stop death. It stops life…🦋

P.S. While I was meditating on Wednesday evening, this thought came to me about doing a juice fast again (I’m saying again as it’s not my first time💁🏻‍♀️) and you cannot ignore that higher intelligence of yours🧘🏻‍♀️. Straight away I decided to do it starting the next morning, it was a Thursday (yesterday). I’ve decided to do a 3-day juice fast 🍏🍎🥦🥬🥕🥤. Today is day two of three and I’m feeling great! It’s not a diet! I’m doing it for health reasons, but not only! Juice fast has so many benefits…it’s a way of giving your body a break, so it can focus on other things. I’m doing it to speed up recovery process, feed the brain, improve my immunity, detox, cleanse, but most importantly work on the power of my mind🧠! When your body tells you you’re hungry and you can feel it, it’s so hard to keep up your fast, when you can just simply stop it and eat (we’re so lucky to have food readily available)-it takes a lot of self discipline and determination to stick to your plan. Especially when you can see others around you enjoy the food and you can smell the different aromas coming from the kitchen 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄. Try yourself! 🤗 it’s a challenge, but so worth it! The food tastes so much better after a fast like this! Another level 👌😋

Amazing documentary on the power of juice fasting 👌🥤🥕🥬🥦🍎🍏